My name is Ronnie D.

Overheard

The guy in the booth next to me at the suburban cafe where I have to whore myself out for internet is talking to his female friend. She is telling him how much she loves bacon. Like really good bacon.

She is also telling him how he “wants the hottest girl in the world” - to which he replied, “I don’t want the hottest girl, I just want a really hot girl.”

I get two - ok, maybe three - things from this: 1) she wants him 2) they probably actually do it on a semi-regular basis and 3) her talk about bacon is really her hitting on him as all men love bacon and a woman who also loves bacon. Like really good bacon…

I’m also considering going over there and laying myself across his table in my chucks and my cat hair covered shirt and seductively telling him that his wish has come true.

Sexy Halloween Costumes, for Ages 3 & Up!

On a recent depression daze at Target, where I wanted nothing more than to wrap myself up in their discounted goods and bury myself in convenience foods in the corner of the women’s clothing section and wait for sweet, sweet death, I happened upon some things that gave me the will to live…

SEXY HALLOWEEN COSTUMES FOR LITTLE GIRLS!!

Hooray!!

Just think, your little girl cannot only wear a costume that is far too expensive for its cheap fabric and slave-labor craftsmanship, she can also exude sex appeal as she goes from stranger’s door to stranger’s door, begging for candy.

Does she love flowers and the outdoors? Then Miss Ladybug is probably the perfect choice for her. Just like the garden’s best friend, your little sex bug can be covered in polka dots and a skirt hem that appears to be approximately half an inch below her posterior on one side - give or take depending on her height. And don’t forget, she should probably practice her submissive, one leg up, both hands up, “you got me” posing too. Helps get a couple extra Zagnut bars.

Is your daughter not really into bugs or any theme in particular? Well, have no fear - Sweet Li’l Treat is here! What is this costume exactly? Well, no one knows for sure, but it’s definitely a sweet, little treat, reminiscent of leather and bondage, complete with choker and a mini witch’s hat. In order for this costume to really sing though, make sure your sweet li’l treat is undernourished and Hollywood skinny so her head appears disproportionately large for her not quite corseted, but close enough to it, body.

Now what little girl doesn’t love Hello Kitty? And what pervert wouldn’t love your little kitten appearing at their front door posed just like this? Why helloooohhh kiddy!

Are you getting frustrated that there aren’t any “strong female characters” for your daughter to portray this year? Especially as you see all the fully clothed, superhero costume offerings for little boys. Well why not get yourself a costume that provides her with the image of a super heroine? Perhaps a feminine twist on a hero from your own childhood, like this completely authentic Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - Leornardo costume. Even though you may not remember Leonardo wearing blue Pretty Woman boots and a skirt that barely covered his secret parts, you will remember that he did have a shell, and this costume includes a turtle shell backpack. How much more realistic and strong could a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Broad be??

Now have a safe and happy Halloween.

And don’t forget to return to gasping in horror about the hypersexuality of young girls on November 1st… as well as questioning how on earth your little darling could have possibly caught that nasty cold.

I got some sexy new panties for tomorrow’s show…

If Kelly Ripa may never take these off, I’m wearing three!!

Heads will be turning in that sketchy alley behind the Hidden House when Mama D. premieres her new Booty Pop physique.

With a FREE show, a solid lineup, cheap meat, annnnd drinks - why would you stay home?

Yours Truly, Michelle Biloon, Bryan Ricci, Ashley Pirouznia, Don Steinmetz, Greg Tidrow, Reggie Walker, Steve Maxwell, Kirk Buckhout, Teddy Bearskovich, and Steve Marek

Show starts at 8:30pm. See you there. POP!

Mama D’s gonna slip her man some Funky Cold Medina tonight.

And maybe I’ll slip a little to the clerk at the Circle K too. Even though it’s no longer the eighties, he may still be down with the ladies.

IT’S FRIDAY!!

So I leave you with a little jam to get your personal party started. (Which, by the way, I couldn’t find on YouTube… but thank God, the Germans had it. I totally knew they would.)

Fantastisch!!
Tone Loc - Funky Cold Medina - MyVideo