• July 7 2011

    Video

    *1

    A groggy good morning to you.

    This song has been in my head lately, especially the last couple nights. It’s kinda my jam right now. And back in 2005 when I had my first semi-serious, adult breakdown, shoeless, in the middle of a crowded Starbucks…

    But anyways, sorry that it’s one of those lame YouTube videos with just the album cover on it while the song plays. But just listen to it k? You can imagine me popping pills and drinking handles and making lattes in a green apron if you need a visual or something.

    Or hey - imagine YOUR OWN BREAKDOWN!! Make-believe is sooo much fun!!

    Jul 7, 2011 @ 8:42 am

    post tags: self-medication starbucks losing my mind pills alcohol work

  • December 6 2010

    Text

    I make lists.

    I make lists. I make lists of lists. Listing things I should have gotten done yesterday. Things I need to do today. Tomorrow. In May.

    I scratch things off quickly. Deliberately. Slowly and satisfyingly like a kiss lingering on the flesh just above the knee.

    I need to make lists. I need to know what I haven’t done. What I need to do. What’s in the budget though I don’t have one.

    If only I had one, maybe I wouldn’t be making lists.

    Lists on scraps of paper, on napkins. On the back of the Dunkin Donuts receipt.

    Today.

    Tomorrow.

    Dreams…

    Forget it.

    I make lists of pills. Pills with pills. Pilling things away I should have dealt with yesterday. Pills I need to take today. Tomorrow. In May.

    I swallow them quickly. Purposefully. Slowly and satisfyingly like something that has nothing to do with sex.

    I need to take pills. I need to know what’ll fix me. What’s wrong in my head. If only I took the right pills. The blue ones. The diamond ones. Maybe I wouldn’t be someone who needs to be taking pills.

    Or making lists.

    Dec 6, 2010 @ 8:43 pm

    post tags: losing my mind pills ocd crazy lists self-medication