My name is Ronnie D.

Sexy Halloween Costumes, for Ages 3 & Up!

On a recent depression daze at Target, where I wanted nothing more than to wrap myself up in their discounted goods and bury myself in convenience foods in the corner of the women’s clothing section and wait for sweet, sweet death, I happened upon some things that gave me the will to live…

SEXY HALLOWEEN COSTUMES FOR LITTLE GIRLS!!

Hooray!!

Just think, your little girl cannot only wear a costume that is far too expensive for its cheap fabric and slave-labor craftsmanship, she can also exude sex appeal as she goes from stranger’s door to stranger’s door, begging for candy.

Does she love flowers and the outdoors? Then Miss Ladybug is probably the perfect choice for her. Just like the garden’s best friend, your little sex bug can be covered in polka dots and a skirt hem that appears to be approximately half an inch below her posterior on one side - give or take depending on her height. And don’t forget, she should probably practice her submissive, one leg up, both hands up, “you got me” posing too. Helps get a couple extra Zagnut bars.

Is your daughter not really into bugs or any theme in particular? Well, have no fear - Sweet Li’l Treat is here! What is this costume exactly? Well, no one knows for sure, but it’s definitely a sweet, little treat, reminiscent of leather and bondage, complete with choker and a mini witch’s hat. In order for this costume to really sing though, make sure your sweet li’l treat is undernourished and Hollywood skinny so her head appears disproportionately large for her not quite corseted, but close enough to it, body.

Now what little girl doesn’t love Hello Kitty? And what pervert wouldn’t love your little kitten appearing at their front door posed just like this? Why helloooohhh kiddy!

Are you getting frustrated that there aren’t any “strong female characters” for your daughter to portray this year? Especially as you see all the fully clothed, superhero costume offerings for little boys. Well why not get yourself a costume that provides her with the image of a super heroine? Perhaps a feminine twist on a hero from your own childhood, like this completely authentic Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - Leornardo costume. Even though you may not remember Leonardo wearing blue Pretty Woman boots and a skirt that barely covered his secret parts, you will remember that he did have a shell, and this costume includes a turtle shell backpack. How much more realistic and strong could a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Broad be??

Now have a safe and happy Halloween.

And don’t forget to return to gasping in horror about the hypersexuality of young girls on November 1st… as well as questioning how on earth your little darling could have possibly caught that nasty cold.