December 2011
3 posts
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Watch*Additional scary sidenote: My phone’s T9 spells “Gingrich” without skipping a beat.
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“For the first time ever on national television, we are testing urine.”
– Dr. Oz
Be sure to tune in for tonight’s groundbreaking episode, “Is the Key to Disease in Your Toilet?” and check out the Doctor’s homepage featuring What Your Stool Is Telling You, Healthy Stool Color Chart, and Rachel Ray’s #1 Holiday Recipe - YUM!!
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There is no Ronnie, only Zuul.
November 2011
4 posts
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“This is your forest. You can make it any way you want to.”
– Bob Ross
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Overheard
The guy in the booth next to me at the suburban cafe where I have to whore myself out for internet is talking to his female friend. She is telling him how much she loves bacon. Like really good bacon.
She is also telling him how he “wants the hottest girl in the world” - to which he replied, “I don’t want the hottest girl, I just want a really hot girl.”
I get two -...
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October 2011
12 posts
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Fear Is When End Of The World Might Come
In honor of the spooky season, I have found yet another wonderful article that I had to edit at one of my former jobs.
Although I’m pretty positive that this particular article killed at least 27% of my brain cells, I have to be appreciative of the fact that the writer - who was paid $5 for this content, by the way - was responsible enough to cite their references at the end, making the...
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Sexy Halloween Costumes, for Ages 3 & Up!
On a recent depression daze at Target, where I wanted nothing more than to wrap myself up in their discounted goods and bury myself in convenience foods in the corner of the women’s clothing section and wait for sweet, sweet death, I happened upon some things that gave me the will to live…
SEXY HALLOWEEN COSTUMES FOR LITTLE GIRLS!!
Hooray!!
Just think, your little girl cannot only...
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Deadliest Catch 90210
Last week while others were preparing for their Occupy Phoenix activities, I was at home watching an all-new episode of 90210 on the CW. Why? Well, first and foremost, those kids are like my best friends in the whole wide world. But coming in a close second is the fact that I think it’s important to analyze political and social rhetoric in all its forms, not just the ones easily labeled as such....
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“You’re a super-duper, grossed-out freak.”
– Judge Greg Mathis
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These pretzels are making me thirsty.
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“You have an unhealthy relationship with your cats.”
– My Mom
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Oral Sex Is by the Mouths
Interviewer: Well Miss D, it looks like you have a pretty substantial academic background in linguistics as well as quite a few years editing experience.
Ronnie D: Yeah.
Interviewer: OK, well perhaps you could expand on that a little bit for me…
Ronnie D: Sure. Right after defending my thesis, I went to work for a website company that I’m pretty sure was a front for some sort of...
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“Masturbating bums are bad for business.”
– Frank Reynolds
September 2011
9 posts
7 tags
I knew I was gonna accidentally lock myself out of...
But I didn’t think it was gonna be today.
I’ve been up since 1:30am nursing serious pain and swelling in my jaw from a botched root canal that was performed when I was 12. A root canal that wasn’t completed fully, so the infection remained below the crown. I had pain off and on, and when I was 17, it got to be unbearable again. So I went back to the dentist, another root canal...
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“And the Autumnal Equinox is just hours away.”
– Guy on the Weather Channel
(Yay!!)
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7:31 am
And I’m pretty sure I just heard a gunshot.
Ho hum…
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Welcome to 365 Black, brought to you by McDonald's... →
I was drinking my morning cup of Earl Grey Tea and watching Judge Greg Mathis when McDonald’s told me how they feed the competitive spirit, and that feeding the competitive spirit nourishes the entire community with a family pack of all-white-meat chicken nuggets or something… and then they told me to visit one of their websites.
So I did.
And you should too.
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“Rollin with my muthafuckin strap on the side of me… don’t fuck with...”
– Spice 1 - Strap on the Side
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I'm not gonna lie.
I’ve been spraying whipped cream directly into my mouth and calling it a meal.
August 2011
6 posts
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“Please carefully follow all instructions before you submitting your responses.”
– Editor job announcement
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Phoenix, AZ - Local woman, 31, suffers heart...
Local authorities say it appears that the native Phoenician, known only as Ronnie D, was simply really, really, really out of shape.
D, after walking briskly yet lightly so as to not fall through the termite-damaged floor, suffered cardiac arrest after turning into the ‘hall area’ of her small home. It was at that time that she stopped to catch her breath and fell forward into a pile...
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“…and Phoenix looking a little bit cooler on Saturday with 108.”
– Guy on the Weather Channel
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July 2011
6 posts
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“Not matter what Miyagi think. Miyagi not fighting.”
– Mr. Miyagi
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“It’s an all-American rewind weekend. Now here’s the Cure.”
– Local Radio DJ (Fourth of July Weekend)
June 2011
6 posts
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“You belong among the wildflowers. You belong on a boat out at sea. Sail away,...”
– Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, Wildflowers
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Q: What IS Depression?
A: Watching Get Over It - starring Kirsten Dunst and Sisqo.
May 2011
7 posts
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“Association with human beings lures one into self-observation.”
– Franz Kafka
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